Paper · Wings

Today was hard, too hard, leaving me slightly numb. Today Audra's killer received 5-15 yrs, But it is not enough. In the end he probably will only serve 6yrs and then go to federal court where he will again slip through the cracks.

For all my intuition I honestly never Ever thought or foresaw this friend of mine dying so violently. But then again I never looked. And even if I did see this there was nothing I could have done to stop it. I have known people that have killed themselves and people that have attempted and failed. Your heart breaks for them, because they are broken almost to the point where they can not be repaired. You see them shattered and put up fronts to hide their mental anguish. And the truth is there is nothing you can really do for them unless they really want help. So if they succeed in killing themselves you feel broken with them in shock, but you are also so angry at them. That anger can help you heal and in the end forgive.

But what happened to Audra and her boyfriends best friend is so senseless that all you do is hurt. They were not old and at the end of their journey but the fates thought they were. They were not ill, lying in a death bed. They were full of life and planning new adventures that now they shall never have. So what if i can see her. She is dead, so what if I can remember her, she is dead. And I have memories that I can not really explain to people with out them think I am a show off or crazy. So what if I can see her ghost, it doesn't make anything really better. I can not say the messages she wants me to.

So I cry every now and then and I don't know what to say to my godmother. Today should make me feel better but it doesn't...

http://www.newsday.com/news/local/longisland/ny-lisent0801,0,7416107.story?coll=ny-linews-headlines

Ok OK I know the movie I just watched is crap. But beautifully filmed crap that had no real script to speak of and had no pacing.
but what i really wanted to tell everyone is that I am pretty sure High top All-Stars in Baby blue where not a choice of fashion in Louis 16th court. Really the movie is worth the 1st half hr in just to laugh at that. Then unless you are on crack or a film/ photo nerd please for your health and safety TURN THIS MOVIE OFF!!!

ok that is all

ENJOY!

Oh and if you look closely you will notice the oblivious college roommate Shooting things up! Oh man I miss college.

joy!

I am a Marketer, I am making 2 international published catalogs, because I don't give a good god damn SCARLET!!

oh and I LOVE THIS SONG!!!!! Rocks out to song with Blue Fuzzy Socks of JOY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Far away this ship is taking me Far away,
Far away from the memories of the people who care IF i live or die....

Starlight I will be chasing your starlight....

It's not right to go by 24, when you just found the one you hope to marry.
It's not right to wake up so early to the cops at the door.
It's not right to wake up so early to the phone and hear your best friend and god mother sobbing.
Its not right...

I am An

ASSISTANT MARKETER!!!!!!!!!!!

how cool is that?

(happy spinning improv bum shaking dance !!)

I have just successfully done a corporate coup d'état. Oh yea, oh yea, duh, nah nah nah ah Nah Nah can't touch this !

Just plain weird....ok so when do I come Home NOW?????!!!!

end sub-jest. So many things with nothing behind them except a strange smile and a strained connection...

when do I come home....

when will I feel At home...

p.s My parnets can't drive.......

Becasue I can, becasue i didn't for 5 long yrs this is for u all!!!!! ( now a sing along!! people SO SING-AlOnG!!!!)

A ...1 Fuck you and
A 2 Fuck YOu and
Big whopping, 3 FUCK U

Fuck Fuck U And a True blue Fuck u and great great Great GREAT grEAT FUCK
U

FUck u twice with a 3rd roll of the dice and dont forget licked shit on a stick!

FUCK FUCK U and A true blue FUCK u and a great dungs pile of FUCK U too

All FoUR you and I hope it fucks u
and GREAT GREEAT GREAT GREAT GREAT fuck u

I really MEANT IT....(drum roll with trupets)
F-----U----C---K !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YOU!!!!!!!!!
true a boop bopp ie dooo!!!! ooooh

Its time for an update... yes an UpDaTe i say!!!

So i have a funny tally to tell, what tally u ask well I will tell u.,,
So far at work i have taken orders for:
3 Viagras
2 condoms
1 tampex
and almost 12, 4 oz bottles of K-Y

I kid you not, i tell no lies these are real orders. Now what pray tell is my actual job.... DENTAL Supplies!!

The first time I had the viagra order the doc felt he just had to tell me that the long distance is free so thats why he is doing it on his cell phone. I didn;t complain or laugh he bought so many bottles just 2 and the order was over a thousand... thank god for penial disfunction!!
the condoms were for a womans 12 and 11 yr old sons. The tampex sneaked into the middle of the order which they than rushed passed now U try telling a person with a straight voice the size , quanity and expense of that as they just oderend needles and diazapem .....lol
OH ANd the best off all K-Y casue it just so water soluble that its the best for impressions...and molds and " well that other stuff just drys to quickly the doctor really doesn't like it, It drys to fast"

so in under 3 month i have managed to get the ones with the dirty minds, dirty jokes and dirty planed ideas.... god i love it when the try to hit on me don't they know long distance never works..........

what do i do do do all days long ...color correcting.. image fixing.... retouching ....
these people better love these images.... I have given up many weekends i could have spent with friends IE THIS SUNDAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

sorry guys yet again

So lets see it took me from 10 am to now just right now to finish the last 4 folders. Next I have to reorganize the images into the proper sections and if i have the time which i may not I was thinking of adding a power point thing for them of their images......

So 3 jobs are an ass grinder....(checks ass....to bad its still its large width...) fun but a tiring...

now to sleep to wake up early to go to work then to other work then back to this work that has had me at a comp all sunday which was supposed to be my hang out with friends fun day....

as the fish bowl turns.......

Day 1: PRETTY, Pretty beta, ....oh cutie,cute guppy!!!

day 2: BADDDDDD BAAAAAAD beta!!!!!! dead guppy

prologue: betta bAAD BaDd beta in isolation corner.........and very happy too.......i have a loner fish

I love my new job.....no JOBS painting and working in a corporate place is neat! I get to have fishes at work!! A 5 gallon tank for fish at work!@@@!!! oh the rapture of it @!!! Nice people, fun and funny world, and fishes!!!!! I was able to get Sarah Rempe into my corporate job. Its funny to me how karma works. She helped get me the job at Proactiv then recommended me as manager now i was able to return the favor.

the painting job is good too I work for this artist and in return i get money and first hand experience with the gallery world and sales of works to people. places and events. Not to bad a deal and i get to paint.. that always been relaxing to me.

Its like three fold has hit me finally I have 2 new jobs both with plenty of mobility in them leading me to artistic endeavors and I have my photo freelance company on the side. All of this happened at the same time.

Oh and ideas for images are coming at me like water out of a faucet into a glass cup! Finally now i have the means to bring them into reality. I even want to paint some of these ideas more than photograph them.

Life is better much Much better

I have a fabulous dress, shoes, head piece, crystal jewelry for sarahs wedding, having killer fun planning the bachlorette party (no i wont give any details out so stop asking!!!!) just having fun all around!
p.s i always hated to run but lately I love it when i finish a mile or 2 i feel indescribably good.......so abnormal my high school gym teacher would have a heart attack if they knew.

I have a new job... its official!!! I start on the 3rd and I will get good money, great hours and the works that make you really feel like a responsible grown up. I even have a battle plan strategy just in-case I actually like this place. If I like it then I will get myself embeded into the design area of the company...if not well there is always something else. So bye BYE Starbucks thanks for letting me supply free coffee to my friends!!!!

I kicked ass at christmas shopping today. I love finding irregular gifts for people! Its too much fun!!!!!!!!!

ok so the energizer bunny can be fried out and no not in a bad dirty way. GET YOUR MINDS out of the dirty zone!!! So at Sarahs party I did reading back to back for 7 people..... yea i was a fried at the end. But it was fun and good training. I kind of liked having a waiting list of people. Though it was alittle stressful cause I really wanted to be a good connection for them.
I also got to try out a new way of doing the readings. Its kind of like palm reading but not. I hold both of hands and I can see things now sometimes more information than what the cards give. I have no clue what or where this is coming from but atleast I got to try it out on 6 people which was interesting. I was rarely off and when i was it was from the fact that i was doing the reading at 4 am! Yea i was a tired pychic. Oh and her birthday party was fun, the fog machine in such a tiny space made it very intersting and very much like a bad horror film in the making!

So fun times this weekend

Listen, not wait listen, a game is being played and the players have the stage.

But no lines do they know, for the script is forgotten and make believe is consuming.

So gather round, sit down the curtain has been drawn.

The plot is well known to all and to none...

the costumes, well made for their grandure and splendor.

Will not be forgotten in the days to come.

For this is the play of forgetfullness, if the truth be told.

So gather round, sit down to marvel at the show

A lines' been drawn down center stage

So the players wont forget their place.